No Magic Allowed
by Cynicism and Happiness
Summary: Harry and his friends are placed in a group with Snape and Malfoy to live like Muggles in the same house for a month. They have some interesting experiences, involving a fire hydrant, a Mercedes Benz, and Muggle clothing
1. Prologue: A Brilliant Idea

Disclaimer: I do not, do not, DO NOT own Harry Potter and I NEVER WILL

Well, that eliminates all chances of me getting sued.

B/N (Beta Note): This is an AU fic just so you know!

Prologue: A Brilliant Idea

Ah, the joys of sixth year at Hogwarts. Free periods… N.E.W.T. classes… romance… and Dumbledore's idea announced to an astonished wizarding school at breakfast one cold, rainy morning.

"I have an announcement to make!" the wizard spoke in his sonorous voice, booming over the chatter of the whole school. Immediately, conversations abated and all eyes turned to Dumbledore. "Fifth and sixth years will be taking a Muggle home course for one month. You will be placed in groups of five, sometimes six. A teacher or volunteer wizard will supervise you in your home for the month. Heads of the Houses will notify you further. That will be all."

Hermione looked at Harry and Ron with wide eyes. "Wow! Muggle homes! That should be quite easy, don't you think? Hope we're put together, can you imagine if I were placed with _Pansy Parkinson_?"

Ron looked a little more disgruntled. "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME? I don't know how to live in a Muggle home. FYI, I AM ALL WIZARD!"

Harry looked less irritated. "If we are put together, Hermione and I can handle most everything, since we've both been raised in Muggle homes. So whatever. Have fun with it, I guess."

Just then, the tall Transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall came sweeping down Gryffindor table. She handed one envelope to Harry and continued passing out these letters.

Ron looked concernedly at the envelope. "What do you reckon?"

Harry slit open the envelope, which contained a folded sheet of yellow parchment. He read aloud, "The group is at the bottom of the letter, along with the address. Your tasks for the following month are: 1) You will dress like a Muggle at all times (clothing shall be provided) 2) You will buy all Muggle food and cook WITHOUT MAGIC (money is provided) 3) You will not buy violent articles (e.g. a gun, a type of metal stick that Muggles use to kill each other) 4) You will NOT USE MAGIC and will give your wands to Dumbledore before you leave this castle. Your address is 5 Private Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey." Harry groaned at this. "Damn, we're next to Aunt Petunia. She'll be constantly watching us!"

"Never mind that!" said Hermione, impatiently. "Finish reading!"

"Your group is…"

"Stop being suspenseful already!"

"Alright! Sorry Hermione! Potter, Granger, Weasley (R.), Weasley (G.), Malfoy."

Ron looked sick. "At least we're with Ginny. And it's only one Slytherin, after all."

Harry continued. "You supervisor is…" he broke off, looking twice as ill as Ron.

"Harry… what is it?" demanded Hermione. She grabbed the letter from him. Her eyes went wide as she read the name. "Bloody hell! _Professor Snape_!"

Author's Notes: So, this is my first fanfiction and I don't know how y'all will like it, but that's ok. Anyhow, that's all I really have to say on the subject, save some notes to a few friends:

Cinny: THANK YOU LOADS for helping (a little); hey,

Myrtle: you know who you are, I don't hate Draco, after all, and I thought the ending was more to your taste, since you, like, worship Snape.

Galateagirl: I will never forgive you for naming me, but whatev. I'm also not forgiving the person who gave me that name (originally) for a LONG, LONG time (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), but that's ok (again). See you.


	2. Chapter 1: Trouble with the Mercedes

Disclaimer: Hmmm, I think I am supposed to be saying something here, but gosh darn it! I've forgotten! (Crowd of angry pitchfork-bearing lawyers file in room, headed by J.K. Rowling) Wait! I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER! I DON'T OWN IT! I DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T OWN IT, NOW GO AWAY! (they leave) Whew.

Chapter 1: The Group and the Car

Ginny came sprinting over to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Hey guys, what's up?" Spying the letter, she cried, "Ooooh, who's in your group? I don't know mine yet." She grabbed the parchment from Harry. Upon looking at it, her face turned bright. "Oh cool! I'm with you guys! Wait…" She read further down the letter. "I see. Well. We're in luck, aren't we? We've got Snape AND Malfoy. I'M CURSED!"

Ron looked irritated. "Ginny, why the hell are we doing this project?"

Ginny looked at him. "You don't know? Dumbledore, apparently, came across a few students torturing some poor Muggle over the summer. He wants us to be potential allies with Muggles in this war with Voldemort. So, he wants us to know how to live and work with Muggles and ordered a full-school Muggle lock-down. Weird, huh?"

Harry muttered, "Fat chance that I will ever ally 'Dudders'!"

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "He's um, a little eccentric."

Harry thought eccentric didn't even cover it, but kept this to himself. _Very, very strange, bizarre, you name it. _Hermione's next statement brought him back down to earth. "Hurry up! I think we're leaving in half an hour! We've got to find Snape and Malfoy!"

Harry groaned inwardly. _I never thought I'd see the day when we were going to be looking for Malfoy. I cannot wait until this stupid thing is over. _

Ron's thoughts were a little more colorful (whenever something slightly inappropriate comes up, you shall see stars)

_I can't believe that we are actually looking for the who is so full of ! Ow! Oh , I hate that door!!!!!!! _

They ran to a long, wooden box labeled WANDS and dropped theirs in. Well, except Ginny, who had forgotten.

The group saw Snape and Malfoy standing at the side of the doors.

"Well, let's get this thing over with, shall we. Granger, Potty, Weaselette, and Weasel-bee? Fun, fun." drawled Malfoy, with an annoyed look on his pale, pointed face.

Hermione spoke up. "Professor, are we going soon?"

"In a minute, Miss Granger. I must go and collect the appropriate necessities we may need. And um, use the little teacher's room." He stalked off.

Ginny rounded on Malfoy. "Alright, Blondie, you'd better behave, or, you'll be one dead duck, get me?"

"Shut it, Weaselette! You wait till my father hears about you. Come to that, wait till my father hears about this idiot, Dumbledore, forcing us to live like Muggles, dress like Muggles. Eww. I'll have to stay in the shower for three days, just to get the stink off." He glared meaningfully at Hermione.

Ginny looked furious. Harry heard her mutter something and saw her surreptitiously point her wand at Malfoy, while he glanced in the other direction, waiting to see if Snape had returned. Something white swished by Harry's side and the next second… Malfoy's platinum blond hair was… pastel pink.

Ron began to turn bright red and looked as if suppressing severe laughter was difficult work. Malfoy, evidently, had not noticed anything odd, because he was humming to himself, quietly. Hermione took one look at Malfoy's hair and giggled shrilly. Malfoy frowned at her. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing," she gasped.

"You laughed." Malfoy insisted with a frown on his face.

"Did not."

"Did so."

Hermione gasped again after she watched Malfoy's hair turn violet and magenta then back to pastel pink.

"What, is it me?" asked the ever vain Malfoy.

"No."

"It is!"

"It's not!"

"Don't lie!"

"I'm not!"

Snape arrived at that point, breaking up the argument. He raised his eyebrows at Malfoy's new style and muttered, "Kids these days." Turning to the teenagers, he asked, "Are we ready to go yet?"

"One sec," said Ginny. "Got to return the wand." She ran off. A few minutes later, she returned and Snape growled, "Now?"

"Yes," they all chorused.

"Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Exactly how are we getting there? I don't think we're allowed to use magic, and Surrey is quite a distance from here, I should think."

"Car, Miss Granger. It is a tin box on wheels that Muggles use to go places, Draco," answering the question in Malfoy's confused-looking face. "It is also extremely harmful to the environment, but Muggles seem to enjoy it."

"Oh yeah, I remember Father mentioning those…"

Hermione's eyes got very wide. She had a bad feeling she knew the answer to this one, but asked Snape anyway: "Err, who's driving?"

"Me."

_OH DEAR LORD, _thought the entire group, plus Malfoy, who really did show some concern. "Do you know how to drive, Professor?"

"Of course not! Do I look like a Muggle? But really, how difficult could it be?"

They all walked out to a shiny, red Mercedes Benz (A/N: just for you, Myrtle).

Snape examined it. "See? Not difficult at all. Wheel, brakes, pedals, metal poles on the glass…"

"Windshield wipers, Professor."

"Oh, yes."

There was just one little problem however, which Malfoy, shaking his rosy locks, spotted. "It seats four. Can you enlarge it?"

Snape looked annoyed. "No magic. We'll just have to squeeze in. Not too difficult, I hope."

_2 minutes later_

"Ow Ginny! My leg!"

"Sorry, Ron, there's just not enough room."

"TOO BAD!"

"Hey, move your rear onto THAT side!"

_10 minutes later _

"Okay, Professor, get in the driver's seat. Ron, get in the front. Harry, back seat with me and Ginny. Ginny, you can sit on my lap."

"Okay, Hermione."

"WHAT ABOUT ME!"

"Oh, right, forgot about you. Hmm. The fact remains that we don't have enough room in here. Harry and Ron are too tall as it is."

"WHAT! YOU JUST CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!"

"Give me a minute."

_(Hermione went inside and came back out with a bundle) 15 minutes later_

"Alright, here's some pretty strong twine. I borrowed some from Hagrid. I think he used it for the skrewts at one point."

"What the hell? Where am I going? I don't need twine!"

"Get on the roof."

_30 minutes later_

"Are you kidding me? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!"

Hermione tied the last knot as securely as possible and bit back a laugh. With his pastel-pink hair and lying on his stomach, tied with layers of twine, Malfoy looked like an overweight radical turtle. He was facing the same direction as the car, only on top of the car. Not that anyone else was that comfortable, save Ron, but no one is really emotionally comfortable when they are sitting right next to Severus Snape, are they? Hermione got in the car and Ginny after her. She sat on Hermione's lap and looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Hey, Hermione, could you move your head just out the window for a sec? Thanks."

"Wait! I can't move my head in! Stick your arm out!" Ginny stuck her arm out the open window along with Hermione's head. She stretched out a little and her legs ended up in Harry's lap. "Great," he muttered.

"Um, Ginny, I've got a problem." Hermione could not move her head back inside the small car.

"Oh yeah? Look at me!" Ginny's arm was stuck out the window. "Damn."

"Look, Miss Granger and Miss Weasley, I'm sure we can sort this out when we get to the house. Just stay like that for a bit."

"FOR SEVEN HOURS!" the girls shrieked at the same time, but Snape was already pulling out of Hogwarts grounds.

It was quite a sight. They looked like a clown car, Malfoy tied on top, Ron edging away from Snape as much as humanly possible, Hermione's head out the window with Ginny's arm next to it, and Ginny stretched out over Harry. Snape was not making matters any better. He was not just a bad driver. _He was astoundingly awful. _

The beginning was pretty interesting. Snape pulled out of the grounds very quickly. Too quickly. He shot away from the Entrance so fast that he backed into _the Whomping Willow_. The lethal tree, sensing intruders, began flailing its branches, knocking Hermione's head back into the car, bruising Ginny's arm, and nearly concussing poor Malfoy, helpless on top. "GO, GO, GO!" yelled Ron and Snape shot out of there faster than you could say "Emergency Room."

"Whoops!" He smiled wryly.

At this point, Ginny and Hermione had rolled one on top the other in the backseat (Ginny managed to get her arm safely inside) and Harry was on the floor.

"I think we'll just stay like this, or someone is going to end up out of the car," grumbled Ginny. "Okay up there, Malfoy?" she shouted to the ex-blond.

Malfoy frowned. "Never better."

The rest of the car ride was a little more than anyone expected, however.

Author's Notes:

Bonjourno comadres. Sorry to all Draco lovers for his pain, but, he's supposed to be evil, so yeah.

Cinny- the car was based on our experiences, love you lots!

Becka- what's up? We get to study Latin soon! YAY! (not)

Myrtle: so I added a red Mercedes, happy? Even though it gets a little beat-up, that's ok Myrtle's response-_no it's not_

Galateagirl: thanks a lot for the Muggle lock-down idea. But I still have not forgiven you for the name. I shall someday, but not today

I hope y'all like this section, 'cause I'm not amazing at creative writing


	3. Chapter 2: Home Sweet Home

Disclaimer: I can't think of anything remotely amusing today, so I don't own Harry Potter and never ever will

Chapter 2: Home Sweet Home

Snape cruised down the highway at 45 miles per hour. There were (luckily) no policemen on duty (the patrol officers were too lazy), so for the past two hours, Snape had been ambling along, listening to the honks of many annoyed drivers, and humming to "Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love".

Ron was way too bored at this point, and fell asleep, with his mouth hanging open in a rather uncouth fashion.

Hermione was under Ginny and extremely sore around the side of her head, where the Whomping Willow had hit it. She tried to fall asleep, but with a fairly heavy fifteen year old on top of her, and a throbbing bruise on her head, she was finding it rather tricky.

Ginny was faring no better. Hermione was not a very comfortable pillow and Harry's chest was not a good footstool, so she grumbled to herself in her head. Her arm was bruised where the Whomping Willow had pounded it with the force of several hailstones in Saskatchewan (if you've been to Canada, you will get this) and she was not in a good mood. Checking Harry's watch, she realized, to her displeasure, that there were approximately five more hours to go on the road.

Harry was lying on the floor, gazing at the ceiling. One of Ginny's feet was on his chest and it was rather cramped on the floor, between the front and back seats.

Ah yes, dear Draco. Malfoy was cold and people were staring at his hair. Of course, he still did not know that it was baby pink, and no one had thought to enlighten him, so he remained confused.

Snape had begun to speed up to 70 mph.

Thoughts/dreams ran through each of their heads:

"_Lavender, Lavender, Lavender."_

"_This stinks! Okay, think of sheep. One, two, three…"_

"_Four hours, fifty minutes…"_

"_This is worse than my cupboard at the Dursleys, and that says something."_

"_Put your eyes back in your heads and stop staring at me. It's really not that interesting."_

80 mph…

"_I love you…"_

"_One hundred thirty-five, one hundred thirty-six…"_

"_I give up."_

"_Ouch! Ginny, would you keep your foot off my mouth?"_

"_Go away little child. Haven't you ever seen a boy strapped to the roof before? Oh, you're pointing at my hair?"_

Indeed, a small boy, about six years of age, pointed to Malfoy's head, saying, "Look! His hair!"

"_Blond hair is not that amazing. Okay maybe mine is soooo much silkier and shinier than the rest of the world's but still… Stop looking at me twerp!"_

90 mph…

"_Mr. and Mrs. Brown, will you give us your blessing?"_

"_Two thousand, two thousand one."_

"_Hmm."_

"_What is under me?"_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_**CRASH**_

"Damn."

Ron was immediately awake. "What'd we kill?" he asked in a very confused, and only partially awake, voice.

Snape looked shaken. He said nothing, so Ron stuck his head outside the window.

"Bloody hell! We've hit a truck!"

It was not a bad hit. The fender was slightly dented, but the truck driver was very angry, turned around (as much as he could in his seat), and began to utilize some _very_ colorful language "magna voce".

Hermione tried to restore calm. "It's okay, Professor. You didn't have to scream. It really wasn't that bad, and you can take it to a mechanic, once we get to Surrey."

Snape gave her a look. "I didn't scream."

"Then who… OH MY GOD!" She shoved Ginny aside, clambered over Harry, and opened the window. Sticking her head out, she cried, "Malfoy, MALFOY! Are you okay up there!"

Malfoy's feeble response came, "Yeah."

"Thank goodness!"

Harry spoke up. "Professor, I think you might want to slow down here, probably to 55 mph, or something SLOWER."

"Fine."

The rest of the journey passed uneventfully, save Malfoy coming untied and his head dangling over the window on Harry's side. As they pulled into Private Drive, Hermione screamed, for Malfoy's pink head (that was also turning red from a severe head rush) was hanging _right behind her_. Snape stopped the car, just a foot in front of #5's gate. Malfoy hit the window with a dull thud.

Instantly, all four teenagers piled out of the car. "Malfoy, don't scare me like that again!" screamed Hermione, pulling him (by the head) out of his extremely loosened bonds.

Malfoy frowned. "I am nearly concussed, almost ran into a truck, was very close to falling off this bloody roof, and you say DON'T SCARE ME!"

No one answered, but all walked up to the door, waiting to get inside, away from the frigid air.

Snape fumbled with the keys and spent quite a while trying to find the right key to the door. When he thought he'd tried all the keys on his ring and couldn't find the right one, he began cursing under his breath.

"I didn't know that Snape was capable of such verbiage," whispered Hermione to Harry, who was grinning, but not at Snape. Malfoy's hair (to his blissful unawareness) was still pink.

Finally, Snape found the right key (which actually was the first one that he had tried) and shoved the door open. The teenagers rushed in, eager to get out of the cold. At this point, Harry was looking nervous. Ginny turned to him.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

"I think I just saw Aunt Petunia, Gin! She's watching us already. The foul old giraffe" luckily he muttered the last sentence under his breath so Snape couldn't hear him and yell.

Indeed, the skinny, blonde woman was craning her neck, as Harry could see, from an upstairs window, looking surprised to see new neighbors, especially one with pastel pink hair. Luckily, she did not recognize Harry or Ron.

Yet.

Author's Notes: I'm just writing this whole thing at one time, and I'm planning to stagger the posting, so people will actually read it. The whole Saskatchewan thing: yeah, up there, hailstones can be as big as baseballs (and hurt twice as much, if they hit you).


	4. Chapter 3: Culinary Arts

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.

Chapter 4: Culinary Arts

DAY ONE

Malfoy could not believe it. _Not only am I stuck in this stupid Muggle home, but I am also stuck with Potter, Mudblood Granger, and the blood-traitor Weasleys, AND my hair is pink! Wait till my father hears about this! I should send an owl! I'll do it right now. Now, I'll go find Mars; where is that darn owl? Oh no. No wizarding world. Damn it. _

Professor Snape took charge at this point. "Okay, everyone, we must not only live in the foyer and our rooms. I'll say that it is nearly time for dinner. Granger, Potter, you both know how to do Muggle cooking, correct?"

"Yes."

"To the kitchen!" shouted Ron, only to realize that he didn't know where it was.

The kitchen was large and convenient. All supplies for cooking a proper meal were there. Ginny grabbed a recipe book and riffled through it.

"So, Harry, Hermione… you know how to cook, good. Okay, all this stuff looks way too complex, darn it. No, I don't think you'll know how to make _escargots en beurre_ and that really does not sound appetizing… know what? We're making pasta." Ginny checked the fridge. "Yes, there's tomato sauce, and over there is the macaroni," she said while pointing to the counter across from her. "Now all we need is a pot and boiling water… cool, let's go."

Five minutes later, they'd gotten all the ingredients out.

"Hey, Ginny?" asked Hermione. "How'd you know how to cook?"

"Dad." All was explained in that one word. "Guys, Hermione and I are going to set the table over there in the dining room. Ron and Harry, you can clean up the dining room, while we set the table. Professor and Malfoy, stay here and watch the pasta cook. Just remember to get the water."

"You think it's safe to leave them in there?" muttered Ron to his sister.

"Of course. It's pasta, for goodness' sake. How difficult is that? Boil water, cook pasta, heat the sauce, and pour the sauce. I'm a pure-blood, and _I_ know how to do it."

"Fine."

"Make sure you dust the tables properly."

"Yes, Mother."

The four began to tidy the dining room.

"Think that Snape, Malfoy, and all of us will get along?"

"We'll have to won't we?"

"Yeah, Hermione, but we're talking about Slytherins," interjected Ron, as though Slytherin was the key word here.

"Well, we are now working with them, and everything seems fine. I wonder how they're doing?"

"BLOODY HELL!"

"Apparently, not so good."

Hermione, closely followed by Harry, Ron, and Ginny, rushed into the kitchen. What a sight was to be seen! Malfoy and Snape were covered with hot, tomato sauce.

Hermione walked over and looked inside the pot. "Are you kidding me? You boiled the sauce? ON HIGH?"

"Well yes, Miss Granger. We thought it would be easier. That way, we wouldn't need the water. Shorter method, you see."

"NONONONONONO! You cannot do that! Muggles can't always take the short way out! And look what you've done! Now do it properly!"

Feeling rather shaken, and annoyed at being yelled at by a Muggle born, Snape and Malfoy commenced to cook a proper meal. Suddenly, as they were about to turn on the stove (again), all the lights went out.

Malfoy panicked. "I've gone blind! I can't see!"

Snape was faring no better. "Help! Someone get Dumbledore!"

"It's okay, Professor," yelled Harry. "There must have been a blackout in this weather." It was now raining hard outside.

"Thank God I'm not on the roof still," muttered Malfoy.

"GREAT!" yelled Ron. "What about dinner?"

"Well," said Harry, "I've got some chips in my backpack. A veritable feast."

"Fine."

Malfoy interjected. "One second. Save some for me. I'm going to shower. I hate this tomato sauce."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Malfoy, you do know that water does not run during a blackout, right?"

"Damn…"

"Malfoy, will you stop swearing?"

"Never! Damn you all to bloody hell!"

**Author's Notes:**

Wow. I'm not doing too badly here.

To my Beta: Thank you for taking the time and energy to edit my stuff. You rock!

Shelb: I love your story about the "Accidental Banishment"! It was so funny!


	5. Chapter 4: Visiting Aunts

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, "Walking on Sunshine" (which is Katrina and the Waves, awesome group, guys. I've change this lyrics just a little), or Les Misérables

A/N: Just very quickly, there will be no Draco/Ginny relationship, save the fact that Ginny will always be trying to kill Malfoy. Ok?

Chapter 5: Visiting Aunts and Crazed Cousins

DAY 2

In the morning, the power was, thankfully, back on. Malfoy had changed into different clothes (he looked fairly normal in clothes similar to Ron's: jeans and a T-shirt that was not pink), but felt that he still smelled like marinara, so he decided to have a shower.

Ginny woke up early and felt very bored. Then, she remembered the books that she had brought with her, in case of boredom. Pulling out Les Misérables, she began to read.

Malfoy was humming to himself in the shower. He planned to spend an hour longer in there. It was a nice morning, and he was getting clean. Even if he was going to be wearing Muggle clothes, it was okay. _At least the shirt is green._ _Ah, soap, how did I live without it at the tender age of four?_

Ginny finished with the chapter in which Jean Valjean promises Fantine to rescue her child from the wicked innkeepers. _Better save the rest for later. I need to save it for this month, in case of more boredom. What should I do now? Gosh, I have to go…_

Malfoy's hair was still pink, but at least it was now tomato-free. He felt really happy and began to sing. "I used to think maybe you loved me, now baby I'm sure…"

Ginny crept down the hallway, trying not to wake anyone. After all, it was only seven a.m. _Don't trip now._ _Carefully…_

Malfoy's face was now completely clean, and he felt like increasing the volume, just a little. "Now every time I go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down. Cause I just can't wait till you write me you're coming around."

She heard something funny coming from the bathroom and paused to listen.

"I'm walking on sunshine. Who-o-oa! I'm walking on sunshine. Who-o-oa! And I'm trying to feel good! Yeah! I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love! I feel the light, I feel the light, I feel the light, I feel the light!"

Ginny strained her ears. _Was that Malfoy?_ It was Malfoy! A wide grin spread across Ginny's face as she snuck into the bathroom. Luckily, Malfoy was too busy singing to notice. Was it time for a prank?

"Walking on sunshine…"

She stretched her hand out to the toilet flusher. She gently pushed it down…

"I'm walking on sunshine, baby, WHOA! Yeah! Walking on sunshine, baby, WH- AAAAAAAAARRRGH!" He was greeted with a strong jet of boiling water, courtesy of Ginny's trick. Ginny smiled wickedly. _I'm using the downstairs bathroom. _She ran out of there before Malfoy could catch her.

Malfoy was incredibly irate. Now how had that happened? _You can never trust the water supply from these Muggle homes. What was up with that? I'm getting out of the shower, now. _

Ginny finished using the bathroom and crept down to the kitchen for a snack. _Where is the kitchen again? Right, through the doors, past the couch over there…_

Malfoy wanted something to eat. Having one packet of potato chips last night was not an ideal dinner. _Hope there's something edible there. _

Both found the kitchen door, tried to hurtle through, and crashed.

"Weasley!"

"Malfoy?"

"Yes. God, you can't do anything here. I just got boiled alive."

Ginny feigned concern. "By what?"

"The hot water just turned on randomly, and I nearly died."

"Really? How could it? That's so funny!"

"Isn't it? And power turned out yesterday."

"Ugh. Those Muggles. Well, got to go, and uh, get breakfast." Ginny snickered to herself on the way to the kitchen. "Oho, life is good. Very, very good indeed. This is great."

About two hours later, Harry, Ron, and Hermione rose. Snape decided to sleep in, because he was too tired and bored to wake up.

Harry saw Malfoy and came over. "Well, good morning, Pinky. How are you this morning?"

"FYI, I was almost roasted this morning and I can't find anything to eat. What it wrong with you Muggles?"

"Malfoy, I'm not a Muggle. I am half-blood, even it I did grow up with the Muggles. And Muggles are not that bad, you know. Can't you just learn to live with it? Besides, what is wrong with them?"

"They're… they're uh…" Malfoy could not think of an excuse. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Malfoy jumped about a foot into the air. "What the #$?"

Ginny rushed over. "Ooh! We have visitors! How nice!" She ran to the door and was about to pull it open when Hermione, who was closely following her, yanked her back.

"Wait!" she hissed. "Check who it is first! There are a lot of criminals out there who would grab you if you open the door, or will get into your house and, oh, I don't know, rob you. It does happen! RULE OF LIFE- do not open the door to ANYONE you don't know!"

Ginny was taken aback, but checked the small window near the door. "It's this skinny blonde lady with a long neck and this… _really _obese boy next to her. She's holding some sort of gift basket."

Harry groaned. "Oh no. It's Aunt Petunia and Dudley. They've come to say hello. Bet they didn't recognize us when we arrived, 'cause I saw her looking out the upstairs window at us."

Ginny looked hesitant. "Should I let her in?"

"Go ahead. Better get it over with. Know what? I'm going to hide. That way, she won't completely freak out." Harry scurried off.

Ginny pulled open the door. "Why hello there!"

Aunt Petunia was wearing a frilly, lavender dress and a smile. Dudley looked sheepish and somewhat irritated. "Hello dear. We just wanted to say, welcome to Private Drive. Are your parents home? You know, you look very much like one of my, erm, nephew's friends…" at this point, she turned and saw Ron. The smile slid off her face like water. Dudley whimpered and clutched his fat bottom.

Aunt Petunia's demeanor suddenly became very cold. "I see. He's here then, isn't he, that Harry. Well, we'll be… ARGH!" For Snape had just come down, this time in a huge purple sweater and a long black skirt. To complete the ensemble, he wore red clogs. He looked at Aunt Petunia. "Yes?"

Aunt Petunia was furious. "This boy is much more trouble than he is worth! My freak of a sister gets herself blown up, the hippy with long, white hair leaves the boy on our door with this letter with some rubbish about _wizards _and that… that…_ school _my sister went to, we are burdened with his delinquencies for ten years, some giant comes to claim him, and now I see that he is associating with gender-confused WARLOCKS!"

Snape now looked angry. "Excuse me madam? Gender-confused?"

"Yes, yes! We're going now! Come on, my precious Duddykins. Don't let them scare you, darling."

Malfoy, feeling particularly malicious, ran up to Dudley and yelled, "BOO!"

Dudley screamed, began to beg for mercy, and ran safely to Number Four, his mother following behind. In her haste, she left the gift basket.

Hermione grinned. "Harry, you can come out now! And it didn't work! Your aunt recognized Ron!'

Harry stepped outside of the closet in which he had concealed himself. "Darn it."

"That's okay, Harry. Do you really want her calling all the time, or minding our business, like she does with your other 'normal' quote en quote neighbors?"

"Well, I suppose not… hey! She's left the gift basket!"

Ron dug into it. "Look at that! Chocolate, fruit, and… a teddy bear."

Ginny grabbed one of the chocolate boxes. "Breakfast anyone?"


	6. Chapter 5: 911!

**Disclaimer:** If I am not from the UK, it is very unlikely that I own Harry Potter, which I do not.

**A/N:** I have written this a while ago, so I'm just posting it, pretty much all at once. This one is a little depressing

**Chapter 6: 911!**

DAY 4

Day 3 was not amazingly interesting. Malfoy did learn how to dress like a Muggle, though Snape had not lost his odd sense of style. He had been dressed in a green plaid kilt, a yellow polo shirt, sweatpants, and sneakers.

Today was a different story, however. Snape called his group together. "Settle down, settle down. Today, we will be going food shopping, because pasta was a fiasco, and there is not a lot of food in the house. So I will be driving us to a supermarket, where we shall pick out Muggle food and try to cook, upon reaching home. We must think of cooking as Potions class. Every ingredient is important and vital to the final product"

They squeezed into the car. Harry, who grimaced at the thought of sitting beside Snape, was in the front (as you can tell). Ginny sat on Ron's lap, as she was his sister and felt that she was allowed to do that, and Hermione and Malfoy were squished into the other back seat. Hermione looked extremely annoyed at having to sit so close to Malfoy, who was equally unenthusiastic.

Ron was extremely nervous. "Professor, are you sure we can't just, erm, walk to the supermarket or something? It might be, um, _safer_, you know?"

"Of course not, Weasley. I can drive. What do you take me for?"

"Erm, well—"

But Snape was too preoccupied to answer. He was pulling out of the driveway, at top speed.

"TOO FAST, PROFESSOR!" yelled Harry. Snape obliged by slamming on the brakes and flinging everyone forward. Malfoy, Hermione, Ginny, and Ron were all right, as they were in the back and only hit the seats in front of them, but Harry sustained a serious nosebleed from being slammed into the dashboard. 

Hermione screamed. "Harry! HARRY! Are you okay?"

"No."

"OH MY GOD, PROFESSOR!"

"Try to hold your nose for a bit, Potter; it might stop the flow. I don't have my wand, so I cannot help you with that. My apologies."

Harry held his sleeve to his nose. Of course, blood spread all over his face, making him look like some demented wild animal.

Failing in stemming the flow with his sleeve, Harry desperately needed several boxes of tissues, and asked, "Professor, just how far are we from the supermarket?"

"Oh I don't know. Actually, I was planning on driving until we saw a supermarket."

_OH SHOOT _thought everyone.

Hermione spoke up. "Professor, is there a map in here? And a directory?"

"No."

"Let's ask someone, then."

She stuck her head out the window and yelled loudly at a large man with an amazing mustache. Harry recognized him immediately, and slid down as far as he could in his seat

Hermione began to talk to the man. "Excuse me, sir? Could you tell me where the closest supermarket is, please? We're from out of town."

The man smiled kindly at her, something Harry did not believe possible. "Yes, of course. Continue down this street, turn left at the corner and drive along until you see it."

"Thank you." The man left.

Harry turned and hissed, "You are very lucky Uncle Vernon didn't recognize us."

"Well, I had to ask. Besides, he can't be all that bad, now, can he?"

"Oh, yes he can."

Snape broke into the conversation. "So, Granger, I just continue down this street, turn, and continue down the other street?"

"Yes."

Snape managed to drive down the street without any sort of bad incident. It was when he turned the corner that the accident did occur.

Snape was not accustomed to driving, obviously, and he did not know one of the most important rules of the road: look before you turn. Unfortunately, he did not look when he turned in the direction of a large Toyota Forerunner…

CRASH!

The Mercedes skidded off the road into a fire hydrant. Ron and Hermione had grabbed Harry before any more harm could come to him, but Snape was much less lucky.

Unfortunately, Snape had never really realized the importance of the seat belt, so he went flying through the glass, which is not always the safest place to fly through.

He lay unconscious on the pavement, his head bleeding terribly. Ginny and Hermione screamed.

Fortunately, several passing people whipped out cell phones and dialed 911. About five minutes later, an ambulance arrived. Paramedics loaded Snape onto a stretcher and placed him in the ambulance. Ron, who was very white, ran up to one. "Excuse me, but could you tell me how long he'll be there?"

The paramedic looked very sympathetic as she answered, "I'd say about a week and a half, at least. He's in pretty bad shape, but he's still alive."

Hermione and Ginny looked frightened. Harry's nose had stopped bleeding, and he looked scared. Malfoy was crying his eyes out for his favorite teacher.

It was Ginny who broke the nasty silence, which was so palpable; one could have cut through it with a knife. "What are we going to do now?"

**A/N: **The next chapter is (in my eyes) deep as well, but the other is funnier. That's all, really. Have a good day!


	7. Chapter 6: Draco Malfoy: Fiend or Friend

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter and I never, ever will.

**Chapter 7: Draco Malfoy: Fiend, or Friend?**

Malfoy, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Harry were at a complete loss as to what to do at this point. Their supervising professor had just been in a serious accident involving a fire hydrant and seat belts, and was not expected to return from the hospital for ten days.

"What are we going to do now?" Ginny had asked in a horrified voice.

Harry knew the area fairly well, having lived there for ten years straight, and coming back every summer.

"We'll go back of course. I guess we'll have to make do until Snape comes back home. We have no choice."

"Do you know how to get back?"

"I should. Aunt Petunia used to make me run errands in this area of town, quite a bit. You know, food shopping, returning Dudley's films to the library, that kind of thing. It's not too difficult, just a little long."

Feeling that he had to yell at something, Malfoy chose Harry. "So you knew where the supermarket was, and you could have said something! Snape would never have had to stop to ask for directions and would never have crashed, had you not kept your stupid mouth shut!"

"Pardon me, dear Draco, but even if I opened my stupid mouth, as you so eloquently put it, Snape may have crashed anyway. I would have told him to go in the same direction, if he'd asked me. He just was a bad driver. You can't deny that one."

Malfoy opened his mouth angrily, but Hermione cut in. "We are never going to get home if you two keep sniping at each other. Just be quiet would you? Malfoy, it's not Harry's fault that Snape's been hospitalized. Harry, Malfoy's upset, can't you see that? And you've got to show us the way home, and we're walking, because the Mercedes is a wreck."

Yes, it was a wreck. A tire lay sadly on the sidewalk, the hydrant was leaking badly, and the body of the car was smashed and battered beyond recognition.

Harry glared at Malfoy, but the angry look in his eyes soon melted away and the willingness to give a nasty, sharp comment to Malfoy left him, when he considered Malfoy's circumstances. Snape was really the only friend that Malfoy had had in the group, and he was the only friend that Malfoy would have for the month that they were spending as Muggles. He, Harry, had his two best friends, Ron and Hermione, and his girlfriend, Ginny, but who did Malfoy have? Only Snape, the mainly hated Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. And now, Snape was gone for a while, at least. Harry sighed. This was not going to be easy. "Come on guys. Back to the house then. Just keep going straight until I tell you to stop."

Hermione, Ron, and Ginny walked ahead and talked among each other about the accident.

Harry walked next to Malfoy, who walked slightly hunched over, and was lagging behind. Malfoy was deliberately ignoring him, but he tried to engage him in conversation. "Hey—Malfoy…"

"Go away Potter. I don't want to talk to you."

"Look, Malfoy…"

"Didn't you hear me? Are you deaf, Potter? I don't want to talk to you! Leave me alone!"

"Malfoy, listen to me!"

"GO AWAY!"

"#$!"

"All right. What d'you want?"

"Look, Malfoy. I _know _that we hate each other. But Snape is in the hospital, now, and we need to work together, as corny as that sounds. I mean, we basically have no one at this point. Truce?" he held out his hand.

Malfoy regarded him dubiously. Then, he sighed and shook Harry's hand. "Truce. Friends for this month, okay? But once we get back to Hogwarts, I get to hate you again. If Crabbe, Goyle, or Pansy see me with you, I'll never be respected again by any Slytherin."

"Fine." He grinned, and they both sprinted ahead to catch up with the others. To preview what is to come… Malfoy, now Draco, would be a friend to Harry, the Weasleys, and even Hermione, as a Muggle, and at Hogwarts.

Harry led the group up to Number 5 easily enough. Dudley, his friends, Malcolm, Piers, Dennis, and Gordon were hanging out in Number 4's front yard. Upon seeing Harry with two fiery haired people, a pretty, but vicious-looking girl with a lot of brown hair, and a pale boy with (for some strange reason) pastel-pink hair, they fled into the Dursleys' home, with terrified shrieks.

"I'm hungry," Ron announced, as they entered the house. "What's for dinner?"

Hermione looked tired. "We don't have much. We'd better do the food shopping tomorrow, because there is, like, nothing in this house."

Ginny poked about the cupboards. She held out a cardboard box and smiled. "Well, there's pasta."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione said, in unison, "Malfoy is NOT making it!"

Ginny grinned again. "Fine, Malfoy, go set the table with Ron. Hermione and I will do the cooking."

"What about me!"

"You're still covered in blood, in case you haven't noticed. Go wash your face!"

And thus commenced a very peaceful and happy meal between the members of the group. Though their supervisor may have been severely damaged, they were happy, at least for that time. Little note however, Ron and Ginny thought Harry was just being somewhat nice to Malfoy, because _Hermione _forced him to. So they really didn't realize that all were supposed to be friends, clearly shown by Ginny's next prank.


	8. Chapter 7:Dark Dream, Ginny pranks

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. The current owner owns it. That made not sense, whatsoever, but I don't care. I also do not own Les Misérables. But I think that Victor Hugo is dead (actually I'm certain), so who does own it?

Chapter 8: a chapter in 2 parts: The Dark Dream and Ginny Pranks Draco (again)

DAY 5

Draco woke up in a good mood. _I have friends. Yeah, okay, it is totally pathetic that they're all in Gryffindor, my father was trying to kill one of them, two are blood-traitors, and the other is a Mudblood…_ he shuddered, _but still, they really are nice. And I have had friends before, but I like these guys better. They're not stupid and malicious. So what if one of them turned my hair pink… hmm, come to that, I don't know which, but Hermione is going to turn it back to blond for me. At least it's not violet, which would be pretty scary. _

He slept again and dreamt…

_He was back home at the Manor. The Manor had been in the Malfoy family for a long, long time. It was large, elaborate, cold, stately, and very ugly. Not in look, but in "demeanor". Its massiveness could scare anyone. He was a baby. He suddenly saw something with his father. He was not sure what it was… only that it had narrow, red eyes… _

_He was five years old. He decided to explore the house when Father and Mother were not at home. He was inside the drawing room. Suddenly, he tripped and slammed into a small vase, which fell and broke into several pieces. He was frightened. What would Father say? Quickly, he tried to hide the pieces under a rug. He saw a heavy, iron ring under the rug. Curiosity overcame him. He pulled it up to find a set of stone stairs leading downwards. Climbing down the narrow staircase without a light scared him. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of something. It was a small, black book. How uninteresting. Still, there might be something in it. He opened it. It was empty. There was an inkwell next to the book. He thought to write something down, just to see what would happen. Dipping a quill in the inkpot, he wrote on the yellow page, _Malfoy_. Suddenly, the word vanished and was replaced by a threatening message: _I know you have forsaken me. Once I am strong once more, I will find you, and you will regret that you have forsaken the Dark Side. I will find you, coward that you are. _He screamed and slammed the book shut…_

Draco woke up, scared. He looked about him, and saw a blue-painted room and sun streaming through the window. He leaned back on his pillows. Whew. Thank goodness. Some phantom writer was not threatening him after all. _Still, I am not going back to sleep. I'll dream something worse. I'm getting a book. _

He crept downstairs to find some form of literary entertainment when he bumped into Harry.

"Hi Harry."

"Hey Draco."

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for a book. And—AHHH!"

"What?"

"LOOK OUTSIDE!"

The Mercedes was sitting, red and repaired, outside the window. How it had gotten there, Harry did not know, but he had a thought.

"Dumbledore's here. He fixed it for us. Maybe he can heal Snape."

Draco was slightly doubtful. "I don't know how good Dumbledore's healing powers are. That's more of a St. Mungo's thing. And they're not supposed to involve in this whole project thing."

Harry frowned. "Oh well. The car's useless, then." He walked into the kitchen to get some water. "I'm going back to sleep."

Draco decided he'd get a book, read, and sleep as well. He found Oliver by Dickens and read.

Ginny was bored, yet again. She didn't know that Malfoy was now a friend, as Harry had not enlightened her or Ron, yet. He had told Hermione, since she was the only one who did not run up to her room to mope over the sad accident. Ginny thought that Malfoy was still evil, and decided to play another prank on him after reading about Cosette's mistreatment at the Thénardiers and the doll that a mysterious stranger gives her. It is a beautiful doll that Cosette calls "Catherine", with a pink dress and real, blonde hair. After reading this touching scene, Ginny put down the book and tiptoed across the room, as to prevent waking Hermione, who was sound asleep.

She remembered how Malfoy had stupidly blamed Harry for Snape's accident. She wouldn't take that kind of thing at all! No way. Malfoy had to be punished. She snuck into the bathroom closest to Malfoy's room. Hmm. What could be messed up here? She saw the white tube of toothpaste near the sink. She opened the medicine cabinet. She saw a white tube, the same size as the tube of toothpaste, full of hand cream. Ginny grinned to herself. Gently, she switched the tubes…

Draco finished reading and thought to go down to breakfast. It was about eight forty five, a.m. Most of the group would be up by now. He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth… and got a mouthful of Cetaphil.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ginny, who was sitting in the kitchen with Hermione, heard the scream, and smiled again. Oh, life was good. Life was very good indeed.

Hermione looked perplexed. "Ginny? What happened?"

"Oh nothing."

"Why is Draco screaming? I know you did something. You're smiling."

"Oh, okay, I switched his toothpaste for Cetaphil."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

"No. Do I look like I am?"

"Ginny! He's a friend! Don't kill him, for goodness' sake!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

"No. Harry and he decided to stop hating each other, until we get back to Hogwarts."

"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"

"Yesterday, when we were coming home. Harry thought about how few friends Draco really had, and how he had none, when Snape was hospitalized."

"No way! I turned his hair pink, flushed the toilet when he was in the shower, and poisoned him with hand cream! He probably hates me!"

Hermione gaped at her. "You did what?"

Ginny flushed. "Oops."

A/N: THERE IS NO DRACO/GINNY RELATIONSHIP (as I have said before)! Ginny will keep trying to kill Draco as the story evolves, only not as much.


	9. Chapter 8: King Solomon

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or Seinfeld, from which the argument comes (awesome show).

**A/N:** This is just a random chapter

Chapter 9: King Solomon's Wisdom

DAY 8

Over the past three days, Ginny and Ron had gone food shopping with Harry and also had to accept the fact that Draco, Hermione, and Harry had become friends, and they were expected to as well. This was rather difficult for Ron, in particular, as Draco had insulted him at every possible opportunity while they had been at Hogwarts. But, they did become friends. Draco found out that all blood-traitors were not so bad, and the Weasley siblings realized that snobbish Slytherins could be very kind. But, the Weasleys soon had a huge dispute on the eighth day. Brothers and sisters are sworn enemies, you see, no matter what. Deep down, there is always a little bit of hatred. Today, it was over one of Ginny's books: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain.

Ron had taken the book to read, when Ginny wanted it. Ginny thought that Ron should have brought his own books, or at least asked permission and Ron thought that Ginny should share.

"Give me back the book!"

"No way! I got it! And I'm going to use it!"

"Give back the book NOW!"

"Didn't Mom teach you to share?"

"$&#$#$&$&&$$!"

Ron stopped in surprise. "Where did you learn that?" he asked indignantly.

"From you, but that's beside the point. Give back the freaking book."

"I want to read it."

"Couldn't you ask before riffling through my things?"

"You're my sister. I'm allowed to do that."

"NO YOU'RE NOT!"

Harry came down at this point, after hearing a great deal of yelling. "What's up guys?"

Both Weasleys began shouting at the same time.

Harry looked confused and finally yelled, "SHUT UP!"

Both did and looked at him. Harry took a deep breath. "Now tell me, calmly, what is the matter with both of you."

Ron started. "Harry, I wanted to book to use, so I borrowed it with every intention of returning it, but she wants me to give it back. She wasn't even using it!"

"That doesn't matter. He should never have gone through my stuff!"

"Shut up, Ginny. Anyway, I think that you should decide who gets the book, since we clearly can't figure it out." He shot an angry glare at his sister.

Harry looked at both of them. "Well," he said, "I can't decide for you, because my friendship to both of you makes me equally partial to both of you, and I really don't feel like involving myself."

Ron and Ginny started angrily, but Harry raised a hand to silence them. He continued. "We need someone whose heart is just, fair, cold, and nothing can reach it…"

An hour later, they found someone…

Hermione sat on her bed like a judge, before Ginny and Ron. Harry stood off to the side to watch.

Hermione cleared her throat. "State your cases."

Ginny and Ron did so. Hermione's face remained impassive, but Harry knew that she was trying to suppress severe laughter. She stated her "verdict."

"Your stories have raised some important questions. Ginny, is it not right to hand out one's belongings generously? And Ronald, is it not right to respect one's sister's privacy? Well, you both have points in each case. You must abide by any decision I make. Fair?"

"Fair."

"Good. Well, then, I think we should cut the book in half and give one piece to Ron and Ginny, each."

"WHAT!"

Ron was angry. "We just asked you to decide who gets to use the stupid book, and you want to destroy it!"

"You promised to do what I say…"

"Fine, fine!" Ron was incredibly flustered. "Just cut the stupid book, and give half to each. I don't care!"

Ginny looked upset to see her precious classic being destroyed. "No, give it to him. I'd never want to see one of my books destroyed."

Ron looked heartened. "Yeah, hand it over!"

Hermione grinned. It was time for the climax. "Ah, but the _true_ owner of the book would not want to see it destroyed! Ginny, take the book."

She handed the book to Ginny. Immediately, both began to laugh hysterically.

Ron was bewildered. "What's so funny?"

Ginny had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. "You don't see that you were set up?"

Ron growled angrily. "Sisters."


	10. Chapter 9: Domestic Science

**Disclaimer:** I know how to do exponents properly now! But I still don't own Harry Potter!

**Chapter 10: Domestic Science **

DAY 11

Harry and Hermione left the house with Ginny to take their dirty clothes to the laundry, as they had absolutely no idea as to how to work the complicated laundry machine at home. Leaving the house with Ron and Draco alone, they realized that day, was not a good idea. Leaving them with a list of chores was also a very bad idea, but they had no way of knowing this until they had arrived home again at the end of the day.

Hermione had yelled what she wanted the boys to do, very fast, as she left the house. "Wash the dishes, clean the car, and clean the living room! That stuff shouldn't be too difficult."

Because Ron and Draco were now friends, they didn't mind staying by themselves. But they were not quite sure how to use the dishwasher, or what type of soap to use on the car. Draco found something called _Dawn_ that they thought would be good on the car. Draco was certain that it was the right type of soap.

"It says here, 'crystal clean, shiny'. That's what we want the car to be, right? Crystal clean and shiny!" he exclaimed, his pink locks bobbing up and down.

Ron thought he'd found what to put into the dishwasher. He found a bright orange bottle, labeled _Clorox. _That looked nice and safe. He poured a great amount of Clorox into the dishwasher and set it on high.

They both went outside to wash the car. Uncle Vernon looked on jealously from next door at the fancy, red Mercedes. Its exterior was quite dull, however. Ron examined it critically. "Maybe we should just throw the stuff over it, then wipe it down."

"Are you sure? Maybe we should wipe it down with the soap on the cloths, as in not soaking the car."

"No. It's quicker and easier my way."

"Remember what Hermione said? No quick and easy for Muggles."

"Yeah, but this way actually works."

"Okay, okay. Let's try it."

The car became very clean and shiny. But there were several huge stains on the driveway that, for some reason, Ron and Draco could not scrub off. (**A/N**: If you throw dishwasher detergent onto a driveway, when it is mixed with water, your driveway will have spots on it that don't come off, no matter how much you scrub at them. Seriously. I have had personal experience with this. Mom was very mad. Believe me). Draco was actually sweating with the effort. "What- is- wrong- with- this- soap?"

"I have no idea. Do you think Muggles can use magic?"

"No, or else we'd let them know about us. Why?"

"There must be some magical element in this soap, that prevents it from leaving asphalt."

"Ugh. Okay, I'm done trying to scrub this off. It'll come off eventually. We'd better go clean the living room."

The boys walked into the house. Something funny was coming out of the kitchen; it looked like giant soap bubbles.

Ron and Draco exchanged horrified looks, and sprinted into the kitchen. A huge layer of white soap bubbles covered the kitchen floor and was rapidly rising. It actually rose past the boys' ankles. Draco waded through to try and find the source of all the soap. He quickly located it: the dishwasher.

"Ron, I thought you knew what soap to put in here!"

"I used Clorox. How could it be wrong? I mean, really. Soap is soap."

"Is it supposed to be spreading over the floor like that, though?"

"Muggles are weird Draco. They do these types of things."

"How do you know?"

"My dad's obsessed with them. But you wouldn't know, because you've always distanced yourself from them."

"Okay, maybe you're right. Let's leave it, and clean the living room. Soap is soap. We did everything right, so it should be okay."

"Yeah. Maybe the bubbles will just clear away by themselves."

Cleaning the living room went fairly well. Ron was accustomed to cleaning his living room at home, when his mother was irritated with him (as she usually was). Draco, who had been spoiled and pampered by his loving mother, Narcissa, had hardly ever done housework. Come to that, he'd never done housework before.

Luckily, Ron could actually teach him how to do this one. But, boys will be boys, and these boys engaged in a very violent, but amusing, pillow fight. The housework was left undone. They also created more work for each other. Pillows lay all over the room, sofas had been pushed aside as the two ran through the room, trying to escape the deadly pillows, and a lampshade had been knocked off its base. But the fight was all fun.

However, the fun ended… when Hermione, Ginny, and Harry came home with a huge pile of clean laundry.

Hermione stopped in shock at the doorway. Her voice barely above a whisper, she asked, slowly, "What- did- you- do?"

Both boys looked very sheepish. "Well, we, um…" stuttered Ron.

Hermione stormed outside. A few minutes later, she came stomping back in. "Why are there huge spots on the driveway?"

Draco grinned. "Well, the Dawn didn't quite work as well as we hoped…"

Ron butted in. "But we are certain that it'll rub off very soon."

Hermione was really mad now. Harry and Ginny ran upstairs to dive for cover. They could hear her shrieks from upstairs.

"YOU DO NOT USE DISHWASHER DETERGENT ON THE CAR, IDIOTS!"

Draco and Ron exchanged looks. Draco asked, "_That_ was the dishwasher detergent?"

"YES!"

Ron seemed worried. "Then what did we put into the dishwasher?"

Hermione's eyes became very large. She ran into the kitchen. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! WHAT DID YOU DO!"

Draco followed Hermione into the soapy kitchen, closely tailed by Ron. "We washed the dishes. They're probably really clean."

"What did you put in there?"

Ron bit his lip. "Clorox."

"Oh. My. God. I cannot believe you two! The house is a mess! And you know what you're going to do?"

"What?"

Draco and Ron were forced to clean the entire house from top to bottom that night and the next day. Not just the mess they had created in the kitchen and living room. _The whole house had to be tidied._

Hermione had her revenge.

**A/N:** I'm going to let this stay for a while, because I'm running out of ideas for domestic catastrophes. What happens in a home with inexperienced people running it? Hmm…


	11. Chapter 10: Visiting Snape

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter

**Chapter 11: Visiting Snape and Hermione's "Plan"**

DAY 14

The telephone rang loudly at 9:30 a.m. Ginny ran to get it. "Hello?"

A pleasant female voice on the end asked, "Hello, is this Miss Weasley, or Miss Granger?"

Ginny was frightened. _Was someone stalking her?_

"Um, how did you get my name?"

The person laughed. "I'm from the hospital. Your friend, erm, Severus, sustained some severe head wounds, a broken leg, and a fractured rib. Or two, actually; see, some people die when they fly through dashboards, but some are very lucky to live, like your friend. He'll be staying here a while longer, but you can come visit him today."

"Oh, um, which hospital are you from again?"

"Oh, it's just a boring name, Surrey Hospital. You'll find the address in the directory, I'm sure. Come by when you can."

"Okay, thanks." She hung up.

All the teenagers had entered the kitchen now.

"Guys, Snape has to stay in Surrey Hospital for a little while longer. I think we've done pretty well for two weeks, or most of us have…" she glared at Ron and Draco. "Anyway, we should visit him, at least the nurse on the phone said we should. So let's go say hi today!"

Harry asked, "What is wrong with him?"

"Head wounds, fractured rib, and a broken leg."

"Good."

"It is NOT good!"

"Of course it's good! The number of times he's tried to jinx me, I mean, seriously! What about the snake in second year, hm? Or Occlumency last year? Or even this year, with nonverbal spells? What is wrong with him? He deserves some pain!"

Ginny frowned. "Be nice. So, are we going?"

Everyone nodded to each other, even Harry, and said, "Yes."

"Good. Should we bring him a present? How about mints, or something small, like that?"

Hermione nodded. "Okay."

That afternoon, the five set off for Surrey Hospital.

They stopped by a small drugstore on the busy avenue to purchase some mints, like Ginny had said to do.

They soon arrived at the hospital.

A snooty receptionist sat at the desk. She was blonde, had long, purple nails, and her nose was, literally, in the air. Draco approached her, tentatively.

"Erm, excuse me…"

"Yes?" she inquired in an arch, affected, sophisticated tone. She looked over Draco with displeasure, taking in his pink hair. Draco had gotten pretty used to it by now, so her stares did not bother him that much.

"We'd like to see Severus Snape."

"Very well. Ward 34, down this corridor, to the left. You can't miss it. _Radicals_," she muttered.

The group set off for the ward.

Harry was counting. "Ward twenty-nine, thirty, better get this over with soon, thirty-three, thirty… here it is!" He pulled open the door and they filed in.

Snape was sitting in a polka-dotted nightshirt under the covers. Not a pretty sight. His head was tightly bound with several layers of bandages and he was reading _People Magazine_ with a disgusted look on his face. Now there is nothing wrong with _People Magazine_, but it was not to Snape's taste. He looked up and saw his group. "Ah, hello Draco! And… Potter, Granger, and Weasleys."

Ginny smiled. "Hi Professor! We just wanted to drop by and see how you're doing, and give you these." She placed the package of peppermints on the bed.

Snape looked at them. He was slightly touched, though he succeeded at not displaying it. "How nice. Thank you, Miss Weasley."

Draco spoke up. "So, Professor, how are you?"

"Well, I'm in here longer than I expected, just two more days, damn hospital. They can't even Heal you like normal Healers. Instead, they prescribe remedies such as 'rest' and 'casts' and something funny called and 'X-Ray'," grumbled Snape. "They force to don a shirt that is open in the back, and old ladies point at the uncovered part of you, stare at it, and make odd comments about it, then they place you underneath an amazingly bright light and take strange pictures with it."

Ron asked, "You will be getting out in two days then, right?"

"Of course, Weasley. Unless something awful happens to me within the next two days, which I highly doubt. What could happen here?"

Which, readers, was not a good assumption to make.

Ten minutes later, they'd left Surrey Hospital. Hermione tried to be nice to the snooty receptionist, who didn't even answer her kind goodbye. Coming to Hermione's "rescue", valiant Ron gave the receptionist a very rude hand gesture. The receptionist shrieked and turned away, quickly. Harry was laughing, but Hermione was somewhat angry. "Can't you control yourself, Ronald?"

Ron didn't answer. He was too busy savoring the memory of the irate receptionist whipping away, as well as the memory of Snape in red polka dots.

They chattered away on the subject of Muggles and their "Healing" powers.

Ginny was doubtful of real Muggle medical miracles and was convinced that they never worked (supported by her father's failed attempt the year before to Heal himself with stitches, assisted by the Trainee Healer of St. Mungo's).

Hermione was fairer, as she was a Muggle herself and knew that Muggles were fairly gifted in the medicine area.

Ron sided with Ginny, as he thought that magic was much more practical than Muggle remedies.

Harry agreed with Hermione, being raised in a Muggle family.

Draco didn't even bother to argue.

They were so busy talking and arguing, that they didn't see the Dursleys in their yard as they walked into Private Drive.

Unfortunately, Uncle Vernon was feeling particularly belligerent at that moment. When Hermione called out, "Hello!" he yelled, "Take your abnormalities elsewhere!" He had realized who they were, as Aunt Petunia had enlightened him, when he came home from work, the day of Snape' accident.

Hermione looked shocked. She didn't know how someone could remain so unpleasant. She was especially angry when Uncle Vernon yelled, "And keep that weird _nephew _of ours away from Dudley! We don't want him mixing with all you people!"

Hermione was, as I said, especially angry. How could he keep treating Harry like this? This was the last straw. She would do something about it. She would pull a Ginny. And she'd pull it on the perfect Dursleys…

**A/N:** Okay, so, yeah, that's cool! So anyway to preview the next chapter… the Dursleys get pranked by Hermione and just to spite you, Myrtle darling, Snape is somewhat okay, but not really. _(Myrtle Thinks: You Stink! I LOVE Snape! How dare you harm him?) _ See you all!


	12. Chapter 11: Snape's Backand

**Disclaimer: **I shall never, ever, ever own Harry Potter! AHH!

**Chapter 14: Snape's back! And… Issues with the Toaster **

DAY 17

The doorbell rang in the afternoon. Ron sprinted to the front door and peered out the window, which was frosted and "waved" glass (as in what covers some people's shower doors, so you will know what it looks like), so it was rather difficult to see exactly who was outside, but with the odd ensemble, pallid face, and black hair, the figure on the porch was unmistakably—

"Snape!" Ron yelled. "He's back!" He paused for a minute and his face fell. "Oh damn. Someone's with him, and it really looks like…"

Hermione came up next to him. Her face turned pale.

Ginny looked confused. "What's up guys?"

Ron finally found his voice. "Trelawney."

Again, the mutual thought was_ OH DEAR LORD. _

Harry was sitting on the sofa listening to all of this. "Are you kidding me? She'll be predicting my death every two seconds!"

The doorbell rang again. Ron looked worried. "What do you reckon?"

Hermione answered, "Better open it; what else are we going to do?"

Ron yanked open the door—and stared. Snape was covered in angry looking hives. Professor Trelawney was (as usual) draped in her numerous shawls and scarves, with her huge glasses. The only things she was carrying were a pack of cards and (Harry suspected, these were not actually in sight) and several sherry bottles, proved by the odd clinking of her outer shawl.

Catching sight of Harry, Professor Trelawney went wild, and began to speak in her freaky, fake-predicting voice. "Ah! Harry! I have seen, and I have, again, predicted correctly. You are floundering in the sea of misfortune, my boy. This class, this plan, it will be you DOWNFALL!"

Snape walked in after her and frowned. "Hello Potter, Draco, the rest. Professor Trelawney is here with us because I evidently need assistance with this." He spotted Ginny. "MISS WEASLEY! I AM ALLERGIC TO YOUR PEPPERMINTS!"

Ginny flushed. "I'm sorry Professor, I didn't know that. That's why you're covered in hives?"

"YES, MISS WEALSEY!"

"Oh dear." She went into the kitchen, trying not to laugh.

Harry looked warily at Professor Trelawney, who was now sitting on the floor meditating, not unlike a Buddhist monk.

"Professor, why is she here with us?"

"Somehow, Potter, I think that I am not entirely competent at supervising you without aid, thus my colleague Professor Trelawney is with us."

"Oh no…"

Professor Trelawney rose from the floor and danced upstairs, a sherry bottle in hand. Harry heard a made cackle of laughter before the upstairs sitting room door shut.

DAY 21

Draco felt like eating some sort of snack. He walked down to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. _Hmm. What's in here? Sherry, sherry, sherry, bread, jam, marmalade, eggs, sherry, pasta, no way, sherry, barbeque sauce, milk, more sherry… I'll opt with the bread. _

Draco pulled the bread out of the fridge. It was cold. _No way am I eating cold bread. Now what did Harry say was the thing to heat bread with? Oh! That weird Muggle robot thing there! What was it? Oh yeah, a toasty. Well, it's worth a try. What could go wrong?_

By now, dear reader, you ought to have figured out that that question is not a good one to ask, particularly in this story.

Draco was not sure about how much bread to put into the toaster. _Should I put the whole loaf in? I mean, seriously, maybe it'll burn if I cut off a slice. Okay, I'll put it all in. _

Draco shoved the loaf of bread into the toaster oven. He turned it on high, as to thoroughly toast the whole loaf. He then decided to go wash his hands, so he wouldn't contaminate the bread. Staying clean in the kitchen is a very important thing.

Draco spent a much longer time than he had planned in the bathroom. Even if his hair was pink, it was very silky, and Draco took pleasure in brushing it, a hundred strokes every time. Suddenly, he smelled something funny…like smoke. _Shoot! I hope it's not the—_

He dashed into the kitchen, and sure enough, the toaster was on fire… what else would you have expected? Black smoke billowed out of it, enveloping poor Draco. Draco panicked, forgetting about the fact that he could have used the water from the sink. But he did remember something else… sherry bottles.

Draco ran to the fridge, yanked it open, and pulled out two sherry bottles. Opening them quickly, he poured their contents over the flames. It helped, but the fire did not stop completely.

Draco grabbed another sherry bottle from the fridge, and extinguished the fire completely. _Whew. That was really bad. I hate that toasty. _

He collapsed into a chair. He then realized that the fumes from all the sherry would probably not be so good, threw open the kitchen windows and mopped up the spilled liquor.

Draco was way too tired to eat, or do much else after that whole ordeal, so he went to bed shortly after.

Harry limped into his room on his crutches, just before he was about to sleep, and asked, "Hey Draco, why the heck does the kitchen smell like Professor Trelawney?"

"Don't ask."

"And what happened to the bread?"

"Don't ask. You _really_ do not want to know."

"What did you do?"

"Put it this way, Harry. Sherry is extremely useful in putting out fires."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah. I know. Go away, would you? People want to sleep after cleaning the kitchen floor and throwing Trelawney's… oh no."

Sure enough, a loud shriek was heard from downstairs.

"Evil spirits have entered this house! They are stealing from us! They are coming closer! CLOSER! How dare they steal from me? It's the Potter boy's fault! It's the Grim! My SHERRY IS GONE!"

"Now lets think… who else says 'It's the Potter boy's fault! Can you guess?" asked a very sarcastic Harry.

"Hmm… your aunt?" responded Draco who was by this point barely stifling laughter as Troll, sweet nickname isn't it, was still stomping around the kitchen shouting "MY SHERRY!"

"Yes! They should start a I Hate Harry Club!"

"You know I might joi- OW! What was that for?"

"MY SHERRY!"

**A/N:** So I've used one of the suggestions that I've received. It was awesome. The others were great, as well, but I can only use so many. Thanks! P.S. Ignore the demented chapter numbers. I screwed it up somewhere there.


	13. Chapter 12: Ron and Dudley

**Disclaimer:** (I hate this, sometimes) I do not own Harry Potter

**Chapter 15: Ron and Dudley Face Off! **

DAY 24

Ron and Hermione were sitting together on the small area of grass owned by Number 5. Hermione was happy because Ron seemed to like her.

Ron was happy because it was a nice day.

They were talking about school, life, the whole Muggle class thing, and a bit of Quidditch.

All they dye had not left Hermione's hair yet.

Ron thought that she was just feeling weird one day, and experimented. Hermione had never told him the real reason her hair was black.

They wondered how on earth they were to get back to Hogwarts with Trelawney. Trelawney would be extremely annoying.

"Ronald, she'll be making predictions for seven hours."

"I know. She's really an old bat."

"Why did Snape choose _her_?"

"No clue. Maybe, she was the only one they could find? I can't see Dumbledore willingly putting her in a group."

"Yes, I suppose."

"But seriously, Hermione, we are really not going to fit into that car. I mean, we squeezed five inside and tied Draco to the roof, but with Trelawney, I don't see how we're going to make it on the trip back."

"Dumbledore could probably—oh no."

"What?"

For Dudley had come out of his house, looking irritated and sad. He saw Ron and Hermione together on the lawn and his face turned red. He stormed over to them.

"Are you Ron?"

Ron looked surprised. "Erm, yeah, how did you know my name?"

"Okay, you, you're going down."

Ron took in Dudley's size. He became his cowardly self. "What if I don't want to?" he asked in a high, squeaky voice.

"Oh you will, anyway." He advanced towards Ron, his fists raised.

Ron leapt up in fright—and sprinted for his life. Dudley ran after him, surprisingly fast for a boy of his size.

Up and down the neighbourhood they ran. Ron was yelling at the top of his lungs, and Dudley was spouting out a mix of threats and swearwords. Then—Dudley jumped, literally, at Ron. Luckily, Ron saw him coming, and ducked at the last moment. Dudley landed, sprawled on the rocky ground.

"Ouch, what the—?"

For Ron had dived at Dudley, pummeling him hard. The two boys, fighting like mad cats, rolled over and over. Dudley, unfortunately, rolled into a mailbox, with a great amount of force. Ron saw his advantage and knocked him unconscious.

Hermione gasped. Ron walked calmly over to her, his face very white.

"What the heck was that about?"

Hermione looked extremely shaken. "Erm, I have no idea. None at all."

Ron looked at her in surprise.

Suddenly, Hermione screamed. "WATCH OUT!"

Dudley had woken and was charging at Ron from behind, like some great rhinoceros. "What the—AHH!"

Ron sprinted (again) down the street. This time, he was the one who was knocked out.

Hermione screamed again. Dudley strode over gallantly. "Hi Minerva."

Hermione was now extremely angry. "You…you…you fat pig! Why on earth did you have to do that for?"

Dudley looked sheepish and was very hurt. What went wrong?

"Um, well, I was hoping—"

"You were hoping, YOU WERE HOPING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Well, you see—"

"I DON'T SEE! Now go away, or I will find some way to curse you while I'm back at Hogwarts!"

Dudley paled. "You're a witch?"

"Of course! And FYI, you stupid bear, you just knocked out a wizard."

Dudley looked very frightened. "Don't hurt me!" he squeaked and ran into Number 4, clutching his huge behind.

Hermione was satisfied, and decided not to explain to Ron, until he'd woken up. She dragged him by his feet up the porch and through the door of Number 5, hoping that the next few days would go by very quickly.

**A/N: **I'm posting another story sooner or later, but I also want all you to tell me whether I should do a sequel. I could run two stories at once. But tomorrow is the last day I will be able to post stories until Tuesday, because I have no Internet connection on my laptop at home. Bye!


	14. Chapter 13: Harry's Issues

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter! You should all know this by now!

**Chapter 16: Harry's Misfortunes**

(**A/N:** Happy Birthday, Myrtle)

DAY 28

The second to last day of the Muggle course was the worst for Harry. Harry did a good deal of screaming that day. It began in the morning. He had to use the toilet, but Snape, who did not know how to properly dispose of tissues and cotton balls, had clogged the toilet over the past weeks. In Hogwarts, the magic toilets could take almost anything, but Muggle toilets in Privet Drive definitely could not. So when Harry had finished doing his business and flushed the toilet, it gurgled—and let forth a flood of water.

"ARGH!"

Ron heard his friend scream and ran to the bathroom. "What's up, mate?"

Harry emerged, limping out of the bathroom, covered in nasty water and wearing a frown.

Ron tried hard not to laugh.

Harry's broken leg was not helpful when he was trying to get down the stairs with his crutches. Luckily, he did not fall down the stairs at all that day. He was knocked over and pinned against the wall when Professor Trelawney, under the serious influence of cooking sherry, fell on top of him in a drunken stupor. Harry had some major difficulties extricating himself, and had it not been for Ginny, who saw his trouble, he'd have never gotten out.

Ginny didn't even try to hide her laughter.

Later on, when it was time for lunch, Harry decided to make a sandwich. But in his haste, he didn't grab mayonnaise, and added liberal amounts of hot sauce to his bread.

"AAAAAAHHH!"

Harry rushed to the icebox and began stuffing ice into his mouth. Draco had heard his yell and came to the kitchen to investigate. "What's wrong, Harry?"

"Izwallowhazzasjuznow."

"Huh?"

Harry went over to the sink, spit out his ice, and said, "I swallowed hot sauce just now." He walked back to the icebox and stuffed a couple of ice cubes into his mouth.

Draco shook his head and laughed all the way back to his room.

"Ahhh, thasbe'er," Harry said to himself, the ice cube still in his mouth. He spit them out and decided to skip lunch.

He limped into the family room and crashed into a sofa. "Damn chair," he muttered.

And that wasn't all.

Draco had gone out for a bit to get some water from the nearby convenience store, as they had run out. When he opened the door to reenter the house, a pigeon flew in with him!

The bird was a little strange, and seemed to think that Harry had done it some sort of wrong. It flew out at Harry—and proceeded to peck him as hard as possible.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" Harry started limping, as fast as possible, and screaming, the bird in fast pursuit. Draco was running after the bird, trying to catch it. It was an entertaining sight, Harry limping away, the bird flying quickly after him, and Draco running after both of them. Harry moved surprisingly fast for someone who had a broken leg and fractured wrist. Draco was having a hard time catching the bird and controlling his laughter—badly.

"Try to stay in one place, Harry! I can't catch it with you moving around like that!"

Harry was completely exasperated. "And get pecked to death?"

"Just try to stay still."

"NO WAY!"

The bird dived at Harry and pecked him on the wrist, exactly where it had fractured. "AAAAAAHHH! DDDRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCOOOOOOOOOO!"

But Draco was nowhere to be seen. He'd run off, looking for some sort of net. When he came back with one of Trelawney's gauzy shawls. Harry was yelling and limping around the room as fast as humanly possible. Draco urged him to act as some sort of bait for the bird to lead it to the "net".

"Okay, Harry, a little more to the right…no, just kidding, left. Stop there… come closer…"

"DRACO!"

"Well we want it out, don't we? Wait! Stay there…RUN!"

"I CAN"T!"

"True, wait…wait…" The bird was coming closer to Draco.

Draco pounced on it, unfortunately landing on Harry. "Got you!"

He carried the shawl with the struggling bird inside it and threw it out the door. Harry was sprawled on the floor. "Next time, I'd prefer it if you did not let flying animals into the house, when you come inside. I am so glad we're going back in a couple days."

Draco laughed.

**A/N:** Last chapter is coming up next. I am doing a sequel, because I have an idea that isn't too bad, I think.


	15. Chapter 14: Back Again!

**Disclaimer:** HOW MANY TIMES? I don't own Harry Potter! NOW GO AWAY!

**Chapter 17: On the Road Again**

DAY 30 (The last day)

Finally, _finally_, it was time to go back home again. The group could not be happier. True, they had gained a new friend in Draco, but they honestly could not be gladder to go back to school and lead normal lives again. The Mercedes Benz had previously been repaired by, Harry had suspected, Dumbledore, who was probably lurking in they area trying to prevent them from coming to any serious harm (such as the car accident). 

There was the usual issue with the Mercedes however, the problem of being too small. And the group had the problem of yet another person added to the group: Professor Trelawney, the crazy Divination teacher.

In the end, they figured out how to solve it.

Not all were completely comfortable, though they were mostly happy.

Snape was driving (as you can see). He hummed "You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me" as he ambled along at 50 mph. He was glad, because he knew that he'd have no trouble with Wizarding devices, as opposed to those strange Muggle contraptions.

Ron was still next to Snape, and still was edging away from him.

Draco was happy. He actually had nice friends, for once, that had more interesting topics of conversation than ridiculing people for their blood. He was also happy that his pink hair would be changed back to blond in just a few hours. Come to that, he never really found out who did that.

Ginny was extremely happy to be going back and allowed to use magic, that she didn't mind the fact that she was sandwiched in between Harry and Hermione.

Hermione didn't mind the whole Muggle class as much as the others, but she was eternally grateful to be getting away from Dudley's unwanted attentions.

Harry had gotten a walking cast the day before, and was extremely happy that there would be no more Dursleys until the summer.

Trelawney would finally be getting back to her crystal balls and scaring the students

As they cruised down the highway, and sped up at intervals (Snape still hadn't gotten the concept of driving safely, even after his accident), thoughts ran through each of their minds.

_Hah! Finally! Away from those bloody Muggle remedies and old ladies! I'll never supervise another group again! _

_No more black eyes, no more strange money—I really can't wait to get away from Snape, even if he is teaching DADA, but at least he'll be over three hundred feet away from me at almost all times in that huge castle, not sitting next to me. Who cares if he hates me; the feeling is mutual… _

_Pansy will, for sure, ridicule me for having pink hair, and hanging out with a Mudblood, but still, this one is smart and she's going to fix my hair. _

_I can do my Bat-Bogey Hexes again! And I can use a wand! And I can lead a normal life! Oh gosh! I'm so excited! Hurry up, Snape! Drive quickly! NO, SSTTTOOOOOOOOP!_

For Snape had accelerated to 80 mph.

_No fat boy, more classes, I get my textbooks back—darn. I still have to work on Ron, but that'll come later. _

_Madam Pomfrey can mend my leg in a matter of seconds, and I won't get all bruised at Hogwarts. Plus, I get my Firebolt back and I can play Quidditch again. _

_Eight of hearts, you will meet a Grim sometime soon—nine of clubs, a burglary or death in your future…_

_And now that you've torn it apart, I'll thank you to give back my heart!_

_I can't believe I actually stuck that out! _

_What'll Father say? Well, I pick my own friends to hang out with. Still better keep Weasley and Granger secret from him. It's a bad idea to tell him about being friends with a Mudblood and a blood-traitor. _

They looked like a clown car, with all those people squished into it, but this time, they didn't care at all. They laughed and chattered all the way to Hogwarts.

Meanwhile, outside the car, along the highway, Muggles stared at them very confused as they made their way to the castle.

A little six-year-old girl poked her head out of her car window, puzzled, and turned to her mother.

"What is it, Annie, darling?"

"Mummy, that car there is a little strange."

The mother looked out the window.

"Yes, gracious, how odd! What do those strange people think they are doing, with what appears to be several people crammed into a small Mercedes Benz?"

Little Annie noticed something else that was extremely odd.

"Mummy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Look!"

The mother gasped. But Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Draco were too excited and happy about returning to Hogwarts to care that some random people were staring at their small Mercedes—

And the mad lady, who was wearing numerous shawls and scarves, waving two sherry bottles in some sort of mad ecstasy, and tied to the roof.

**A/N:** My fanfiction is complete! Wow! I can't believe it! I'll write something else over the break or I'll be really bored… maybe I'll run 2 stories at once…any suggestions?


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